Scare Tactics: The Rules of Horror In Successful Copy

Remember that post where I said that content is king? Well, to really be regal, your copy’s gotta be relevant. And since it is Halloween, that means another round of tying terror into the dark magic of SEO.

The content on your Web site shouldn’t scare your users away, but it can benefit from some of the staples of modern horror movies.  Nobody likes being terrified, but there are plenty of reasons why we love scary movies; when they’re done right, they create the same emotional response as a roller coaster - a thrill or a rush that creates instant engagement.

Are you doing that with your site’s copy?

If not, here are five tricks of the slasher film trade that you might be able to leverage to really slay your customers.

1. Spring-Loaded Cat – That phantom noise, the fleeting image out of the corner of an eye - what was it? Already on edge from everything that’s already happened, you’re compelled to investigate.  Steeling yourself, you creep forward, fireplace poker grasped tightly and clumsily in your hands.  You can’t hear it, but the orchestral score is building to a crescendo.  You round the corner and suddenly -

It’s a kitten, not a killer, that leaps out at you.

Managing the peaks and valleys of an audience’s emotional state is what makes horror effective.  Don’t bombard your customers with a single emotional message; present them with one and use your product or service to provide the solution, easing the tension the problem creates.  In this case, you want to be the kitten and not the hockey-masked psychopath.

2. Connect the Deaths – Whether it’s the hidden connection between the Big Bad’s victims or the physical locations where the bodies turn up forming a pentagram or ancient, unknowable sigil, Connecting the Deaths is a third-act horror movie staple that helps to communicate plot and drive action, as it becomes a lot more vital to stop the killer once the protagonists (or maybe only one protagonist depending on the body count so far) know that there’s a pattern they have to stop.

If you aren’t spelling out a clear pattern in your Marketing copy, that’s going to cost you in terms of engagement - and that’s going to lead to fewer conversion.  You’re the expert on your products, but that also means that you might be taking some information that your customers need for granted.  Lay everything your customers need to know out on the table and give them the information they need to take action.

3. Curiosity Killed the Cast – Whether someone’s cut the power or a clue to the villain’s endgame has turned up, someone’s going to volunteer to look into it.  And you know what?  You’re probably never going to see that person again, especially if they tell you they’ll be right back.  Because voluntarily walking unprepared into a carefully laid death trap has a 100% mortality rate in horror movies (okay, more like 99.8%).

Your e-commerce store probably isn’t going to see a 99.8% conversion rate, but you can emulate this tactic by leading your shopper deeper into your Web site with smart internal linking.  With the right anchor text leading to the right landing page, you can keep shoppers engaged longer, giving them more time to find what they want and more chances to add to cart.

4. Nightmare Fuel - It’s impossible to predict what’s going to be popular, ‘go viral’ or break the Internet in half, but one thing’s for sure - it doesn’t have to make sense or have a rational explanation.  That’s exactly what good, old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel is - something that’s going to stick in your head in spite of (or even because of) its lack of context.  In movies, it’s puppets, dolls, creepy black-eyed children, or squamous Lovecraftian horrors.  The positive analog to Nightmare Fuel is stuff you can’t get out of your head - LOLcats, people singing “Numa Numa,” Dancing McCain - the list goes on and it isn’t only isolated to blogs and YouTube videos.  Find a message that resonates and make it as visible as you can - don’t worry about explaining it to people.

5. Just When You Think It’s Safe - No matter how fast you run, one surety of horror is that the slow, hulking menace that wants to chop you to pieces is always going to be right behind you the second you stop running (the slasher Behind The Mask has a humorous take on this in one of its deleted scenes, Netflix customers).  Final Destination, too, proves that death always catches up - even if it has to wait until the sequel.

Don’t get caught at an opportune moment - keep your site freshly updated and stay abreast of industry best practices, your customers’ browsing habits, and your competitors’ strategies.  If you can’t keep up, your e-commerce store could be the next victim.  No time to write copy?  I may know some people who can help you out with creative content development.

Celebrate the spirit of the season by sharing your favorite horror tropes or scary movies below (or your top copywriting tips).